Grateful

Illness has an uncanny way to shift paradigm and appreciate the little things we take for granted. Such little things. Like, being able to sit up without feeling nauseous. 

These past couple of days with stomach flu, or food poisoning, whatever, leave me grateful...

... constantly reminded that everything occurs in perfect timing. Like, the Lemon-Ginger-Echinacea Juice that’s been unopened for months now finally came to its truest, fullest purpose; the leftover matzo from last year finally came into its own for food plain and easy on the stomach, and was thankfully consumed.

This is how the stomach flu progressed by levels of gratitude, my inner mantras.

During the night, I was held at bay. I succumbed to laying on my back, hands over my abdomen, just remembering to breathe. I surrendered to the pain, the aching in my body, tracking it with my mind. Oh, it’s here now. I feel it in my thighs, my legs, my low back. My joints. 

What does it look like? Like a hastily-drawn orange-red haze, scribbled with a fat pastel over my legs, my arms, my stomach. Yet my feet, neck and shoulders were cold, so cold.  The cold hurt, but I couldn’t move, because moving hurt. 

If I slept, I didn’t know it. I was in the in-between state of staying aware to my body, the aching, the cold, the heat, and the ugly pulsing in my abdomen that wouldn’t cease. I was on the brink of nausea and all I could do was breathe and feel it. Feel the waves of intensity, see it in colors, note the sensations as they took over my body. Surrender. Just feel it and let it move through. 

According to the clock, hours went by. My husband called me from hundreds of miles away, his voice cracking in pain. In that instant I knew everything, and it confirmed my own condition. When we hung up, I said to myself, I have to get up to get water. I need water. Several minutes passed. Angels, I need strength to go get water. I still couldn’t move. 

Hours went by. Somehow I'd slept. Without thinking I stood up. Wow, I can get up. I am so thankful that I can get up and move. 

I am so thankful to be able to drink water. I could drink water, and it was the best thing ever!

More hours went by. The nausea was much subsided in my stomach, now cramping moved down my intestines. But this meant I could try eating. 

I went to the kitchen. I need whole food, something easy to digest, I need sugars. The clementines that have been sitting uneaten didn’t have enough time to glimmer in almighty light – I ate a clementine, and it was the best thing ever. 

I slept, more hours went by, and my husband staggered in the door. I ate another clementine. I felt less pain in my joints, less aching. Every time I woke up, I felt slightly better. I am grateful to feel less pain here. Little by little, hour by hour, I followed the sensations, literally in my gut. 

After more time, I ate honey. Then Matzo. Every half hour, I could nibble a bit more, and it was the best thing ever. I have never looked so forward to eating a banana. 

White rice! Saltines! Huzzah!! Thank you, thank you, for this food, for this ability to eat this food, to feel this food nourish and heal my body. 

Oh, illness, thank you for making me grateful for the little things. 

Why Body Awareness is Crucial in Expanded Consciousness

I love to dance. I love to meditate. I do both. 

Increasingly, there is much emphasis placed on increasing self-awareness, our relation to others and the world. Yes, we are all connected beyond physical terms, and how beautiful to discover and nurture this ethereal awareness! But the more spiritual I become, the more custodial I am of my body. If we wanted to delve directly into the esoteric realms of the topic, I could introduce discourse on the serpent in the Bible and the Feminine principle. But that's not where I want to go with this.

Recently in my meditations, I have seen in my mind's eye swirling energies above the planet. I see this as the collective consciousness of a given corresponding geographic locale in the physical plane. I see that there are new energies being introduced to the planet and the simultaneous need to purge old energies to make way for the new. It's as if these collective energies are cuing up to manifest themselves. However, from what I see, there is serious need to cleanse our thoughts and consciousness for the purest of these to enter our reality. 

But how do we know for sure what are the highest vibrations? How do we choose? Or do we even get to choose at all?

I like to utilize the imagery of light refracting through a prism. 

So much of our consciousness is fractionated. Whether by our egos, our belief systems, or the external realm of media and news information, quite literally our attention, like a beam of light, becomes refracted through the fog. 

When we try to redirect our divided attention back to ourselves -- whatever the question or insight we're seeking -- it's no wonder we can be confused. By going within ourselves, back to our central Self, we can surpass this. We become our own gurus. 

So, what are some ways to get to know ourselves? 

Meditation. Breathing practices. Centering exercises. Energy work. And, yes -- Mindful Movement and Body Awareness.

We've heard it again and again, but it's true -- we are a society bombarded by distractions and sensory overload. We almost have to numb ourselves in order to cope. Before we know it, we're caught in an endless cycle of overstimulation and withdrawal, until we don't even know what our vital life force is anymore. 

By tapping into the wisdom of the body, we can bypass the mind chatter and unending engrossments. We return to our center, the core of our being and awareness, before any refraction occurs. In this state, there is calm, clarity, and peace. There is a sense of resolve and contentment. And it is easy. You don't need to think yourself here -- because you simply are. 

The beauty of Mindful Movement and Body Awareness is that with focused practice, one can arrive immediately in a state of present moment awareness. Try it -- whether through yoga, tai chi,  qigong, or any type of dance. Feel your energy in different areas of the body. Follow the breath. Feel the sensations and simply note what is there -- be it warmth, pain, tension, or flow. See how your awareness is not always in the brain and mental activities, but very much with us in our bodies. 

I urge you to cultivate true body awareness. This cannot happen by adding substances to our systems or by numbing ourselves. Even drugs only give a temporary high which fades. 

And so, I dance... I meditate... I let one flow into the other, all the while my consciousness riding the waves of movement... one not better than the other, but each a means for awareness. So please, I implore you, explore.