Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Sometimes I Just Don't Know

Sometimes, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do in a given situation. 

Sometimes I'm just bogged down with all of my spiritual responsibilities - to self, society, and God. 

A situation presents itself, and I'm faced with a dilemma. First, I focus inward, centering and grounding myself. I focus on my breathing. I listen for higher guidance. I notice any sensations in my body. I notice my relationship to my surroundings. How am I feeling? Is this an ego reaction? What is Spirit trying to tell me? 

Then my mind might drift to more existential aspects. I might be thinking what sign the Moon is in, how this is affecting me. Or what essential readings I've been digesting, and what lessons might be coming up for that. Have I recently had bodywork or other healing work done, am I processing and releasing stuff there? Or perhaps other astrological aspects, like how this is exactly a lesson for my South Lunar Node, etc etc. Or some past life stuff coming up. Or is this related to my soul's Goal of Flow, as related to the Michael teachings... or an instance of a blockage in my Solar Plexus chakra giving me an opportunity to release and strengthen here...

We're always processing these things. Sometimes more aware at certain times than others. You might be sitting right across from us and have no idea that all of this is playing on a background track of our minds, all the while trying to regulate our body and energy and breath, and stay completely open and relaxed and present to the conversation we're having with you!

Then, I might think, do I share this with you? Or is this for me to sort out for now?

As healers, we are taught discretion in what we tell our clients. Maybe they don't give a damn about angels and spiritual entities surrounding us and guiding the work. Maybe they're not ready. Maybe telling a client some message we received would be detrimental or disturbing, or confusing. 

It's our duty as healing practitioners to practice discretion, and err on the side of 'less is more,' I believe. If something is really pressing or meant to come to light, generally, it will, in one form or another, or louder than before. This is part of the process of learning to trust the healing process and greater powers that be, as well as becoming more attuned to divine timing.

Then I step out of the default healer role and let myself just lose my shit sometimes.

Then forgive myself, practice non-judgement for myself, not needing to analyze what's been released, not needing to understand...

Then I'm with someone else, and they're in pain. And I know, but I don't know... they're asking for help, but I can see myself in them. I empathize, I feel their pain, but I know this is a lesson they have to learn. And I can't do this for anyone but myself. We all ultimately have our own journey, our own lessons and learning.

Sometimes the hardest thing as a healer is knowing we have to stand back and let others do the work. 

Sometimes, I have no idea what to do but provide compassionate presence. A kind ear. 

Sometimes, all I know to do is just try my best. 

Whatever that 'best' is, in that moment.

Straighten my spine, breathe deeper. Am I focused enough in this mediation now? Am I doing this yoga pose the best that I can? 

Am I fully present to this person right now? To my body? Is there something more I can do now?

And for all the things that I do not know, God help me, to do the best that I can, for the highest and greatest good of all.


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